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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29983200">Your Mom is Hot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandagirl23/pseuds/Pandagirl23'>Pandagirl23</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Enass-AU [51]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Interviews, M/M, Maria Stark is Not Tony Stark's Mom, Original Character(s), Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Tony Stark, Sassy Tony Stark, Soft Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark Has A Heart, soft tony stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:35:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29983200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandagirl23/pseuds/Pandagirl23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets invited to do a small interview and it goes about as well as it can.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Enass-AU [51]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Your Mom is Hot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The concept been burning to come out. I had this scenario happen to me a lot of times. I got told my mom was hot, my grandmother is beautiful, or they were both called sexy. I cringed and wanted to die. So I am making Tony suffer haha :’)</p>
<p>Intermission Stories will continue for a little while longer. The AU is continuing. My shoulder and schedule have been messy and wild.</p>
<p>As usual: If the story time period is confusing, please do start at Move in Day but for Tony’s quirks and issues, please start around Flare in the Dark and Tinker Wheels. If you just want to read the story, again enjoy!! 😊</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony was invited to an interview, he has been invited to several interviews all of which he has been declining because they weren’t about helping to solve the crisis, solving the mystery, or even how the resolve the number of kids in the states and other countries starving. No.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>No, no, no, no. Ha! No.</p>
<p>The invites were either about his blooming relationship with the man who killed a hero and a kind aunt and surrogate mother.  Or how his momma and what she does. The mysterious quiet woman the paps can’t seem to track or find.</p>
<p>Thank you T’Challa, he owes the King a solid.</p>
<p>See, he has been avoiding interviews, especially after the game-day fiasco with the DND wizard called Andy. Hell, he would accept the interview if was involved in the “unification” celebration at Pervert Ass Tiberius Goddamn Stone.</p>
<p>Nope, they are all focusing on his private life and social life. For the life of him he doesn’t even understand why they will even bother inviting him to interviews if they know he is going to act like a damn fool, divert all questions referring to his life and slide in economic help, charities to donate to, and other things that are more helpful, than what Does He Drink In the Morning.</p>
<p>Tony curled up into his seat sliding through projection, deleting another annoying interview invite before it even popped in his mind. Sent an email to Carol and Rhodey about the testing facilities for magic users and the flier. Another from Loki, what the fuck now? Oh, his… kid… he will open the shit up later. When did he become the designated mentor/babysitter? He loves it honestly, don’t get him wrong but they do know teens are like dust bunnies? You get them together they sort of spillover and get everywhere.</p>
<p>Cofea. He needs cofea.</p>
<p>Shaking out his hands of the sweater he snagged from Giacomo, he reached for his cup sipping from the still-hot cup of cofea, keeping an extremis eye on Dum-E who trying to slip the visuals. Butterfingers decided to visit as they were wriggling zipping after Chimera.</p>
<p>“Butter, don’t get upset if Giaco’s pet bites your wheel again. You are chasing her.” He announced with looking. He chuckled when he got a stern beep back. He can translate but hearing VITO data warble and FRIDAY data spike, Tony find it prudent to not laugh. Encouraging bad behavior isn’t good but funny as hell when the little bot curses in bot, “Yeah I see you.”</p>
<p>More beeps and whistles and a warble of beeps from Dum-E. Tony counted down until he heard a crash, a smattering of tools scattering on the ground, and last the apologetic beeps and squeaks from the two bots.</p>
<p>“Clean up.”</p>
<p>Tony spun in his chair flinging a projection up signing to FRIDAY, a new screen returning showing numbers and what the tiny minions at the company came up with. Keeping both hands on his cup, Tony stared at the plan leaning his head back seeing the additions being drawn out. He is getting better with Extremis. There are some limitations but god damn this bastard virus is helpful.</p>
<p>Setting his cup down, he groaned kicking himself over to a computer as another blip of an invite for an interview popped up. No. Resting his feet on the desk as he pulled a screen of his computer up in front of him, Tony leaned back.</p>
<p>Same copy and paste crap and he is going to refuse.</p>
<p>“Boss, Miss Potts is calling.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t do anything and I signed the papers.” Tony let out a whined even as he answered the phone, “I signed everything Pep. I swear, well except a few but those were asinine and batshit insane. And the new tablet isn’t tested yet and the fit bracelet is tested yet either.” He shook his wrist with a similar bracelet to his boyfriend’s at the video screen.</p>
<p>Pepper laughed quietly before she sobered up at his quick answer and explanation, “Not that Tony, the board wants is suggesting you take an interview to aim for a more family approach. They think it can sell.”</p>
<p>Tony shared a similar disgusting sneer face, nose scrunched up and eyes narrowed, “Am I being pranked?”</p>
<p>“I thought I was getting pranked, but some investors are iffy on the whole, Tony has a secret family but he is refusing interviews left and right,” Pepper went in on why he is going have to take an interview, “On top, he is dating the man that killed his father and his “aunt”.”</p>
<p>Tony bristled at the finger quotes and passed on the message that investors had about his family. He wasn’t even upset with Pepper, he is overly perturbed at these people's insane need to find every fucking detail about him. Pepper nodded in kind to his mental berating and comfortability to more digging.</p>
<p>“I am going to divert that interview so hard Pep.”</p>
<p>“I know I already warn Carol and Rhodey of the massive viral trend that could happen when you take the interview.”</p>
<p>“I am going to lash if they try to take a potshot at any of you.”</p>
<p>“I got you on that front. I tried to tell the board that, by the history of you doing interviews over the years.”</p>
<p>“They haven’t learned?”</p>
<p>“They have not Tony.” Pepper answered ruefully, for who? Tony is going to be the most extra, primadonna bitch on television, “Going to wear the boots?”</p>
<p>“Damn right. If I am going to be uncomfortable, depending on who is my interviewer, I want them to be so uncomfortable I want to see them sweating bullets Miss Potts.” Tony answered leaning into the screen, a coy grin forming watching one of his best friends mark down an interview day.</p>
<p>“Did you want to choose station or doesn’t matter?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“Right, got it, September 10<sup>th</sup>, so tomorrow, earlier the better, 11:30 am. Semi-Formal.” She rattled off even as she wrote out the itinerary, “Would that be all Mr. Stark?”</p>
<p>“Oh! And movie session, after the interview, I want to drown in horror movies and sci-fi films because I know am going to irritable,” He grinned more seeing the addition and Pepper’s own soft smile forming. An alert from Extremis noting that Rhodey and Happy agreeing to the movie session. The virtual invite for his siblings and cousins. Awesome. “Now that will be all Miss Potts.”</p>
<p>“Alright, try not to be too passive-aggressive.”</p>
<p>Tony shrugged, “No promises.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded her off as the strawberry blonde woman gave him a kind smile before shutting off the video call.</p>
<p>The door slid open making the genius poke his head up seeing his boyfriend walk with his childhood blanket nice and clean. Tony grinned stepping of his chair over to the taller male. Grabbing the cover gently from Giacomo, Tony wrapped the blanket around the broad shoulders pulling the end around his own smaller frame.</p>
<p>“So, I have an interview.”</p>
<p>The icy blues hooded as the taller male pressed their foreheads together as a deep rumble of a hum filtered through the sniper’s closed lips. The genius felt himself blush at the rumble that vibrated out from his boyfriend into him.</p>
<p>“Might be on us, my mom, or all of it.” Tony hummed blushing still. He hid his face in the strong chest letting the blanket practically engulf in the mounds of soft warm Sicilian scented home. He let the blanket sit in the flowers of home after a wash. Keep the scent strong. A bonus of Giacomo smelling like Pamelia and Orchids.</p>
<p>“You will be good Anton.” His partner spoke quietly, pressing a kiss on the crown of his head, “They should know also how you might be anyhow.”</p>
<p>Tony preened at the almost exact words that both Pepper and Giacomo used. See, they get it. Why didn’t anyone else realize he's going to be a bitch when it comes to the interviews. Let him be in his hovel of a hole with tech and a strong, heat-producing boyfriend.</p>
<p>“I know, they are stupid. They are all stupid. Millions of interviews and damn Press Conferences that become about me when it shouldn’t be, is stupid.” Tony bit out wrapping his arms around the waist hiding his face completely in the chest.</p>
<p>“I am going to watch or do you want me in person?”</p>
<p>Tony shook his head, “No, they will take the opportunity to try and get you on television. That is too much in general and then to be asked questions,” He rubbed his fingers longer the back muscles while the taller male tugged him closer and on the couch.</p>
<p>“I can death glare.”</p>
<p>“No murder glaring, White Laelaps.” Tony retorted but he already knew his lips were stretched into a grin at the image of the Winter Soldier appearing in full form just to scare the piss out of nosey interviewers. Tempting but not good for reputation, sadly.</p>
<p>“Are you sure Doll?” Giacomo nuzzled into Tony’s neck slowly pressing his recently shaved growing stubble against his own recently groomed facial hair.</p>
<p>Laughing under his breath the billionaire superhero stretched out languid, tangling his legs up with the corded muscles legs under him, “I am sure.”</p>
<p>An <em>mhm</em> reply was given a playful swat from Tony, as the intelligent male laughed feeling a metal hand comb through his hair making it spike out. A hushed question about watching Tony in his interview said something fantastically about how to cringe the whole thing is going to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tomorrow came to damn fast, the time was moving to damn fast. He praying for the speed of time to magical zip by at that fucking gala from hell. Nope, interviewing with a smug bastard came faster than a party with Stone went by. God fucking damn it.</p>
<p>Tony looked himself in the full body mirror. He adjusted his purple cuffs, lavender shirt, and charcoal grey with a silver stripes suit jacket. To tie the whole thing together was his blue sunglasses, let Jarvis calm him down. His hair styled back in the usual fashion. Bracelet in place and necklace standing tall and proud around his neck. Last shoes with small heels, well they were boots. Booties. Or whatever someone wants to call them. Enough gold flare that could blind the interviewer. He is feeling a little… hostile.</p>
<p>Smoothing out his tie, Tony looked up to see an assistant of the company and camera crew come to tell him he is on in 2. Right, time to pull out the stops or put a stop. Whichever happened first. He is feeling feisty. Giving a nod, Tony pocketed his phone walking past other guests' clothes for the interview, seeing a little number. Ideas for sometime later it would seem.</p>
<p>Better head out.</p>
<p>Tony already can see Pepper and Happy rolling their eyes as he forcibly made sure every person in the studio heard the wooden-esque heels echoing through the halls to the lit-up interviewer stage. Even as his name is called, he made sure the heels were heard. He is feeling petty. Damn was he feeling petty.</p>
<p>Taking a seat in a plush sleek black chair, Tony crossed his ankle over his knee, taking the casual relaxation on stage. He greeted and everything, never shaking the hand. People know his quirk. Be that it is the billionaire phenomena of being weird assholes.</p>
<p>The interviewer, his name was Ted and his cohost was Samantha. Ted and Samantha, quaint. Ted looked, as Tony did a quick review of the man, was a right prick. A complete tool. Honestly even a little slimy. If you touched him the person gets goosebumps all over their bodies. That was Ted. Samantha was more professional, to the point. Seeing how though, this is about the talk of his mother and possibly his relationship with Giacomo, the Winter Soldier, well, he doubts Samantha’s little to point attitude would keep things on track of more serious predicaments. He will try to help.</p>
<p>“Welcome Tony Stark, or would you prefer Daw? Carbonell?” Ted asked giving a white as fuck smile.</p>
<p>He does over bleaching his teeth says something about how insecure he might be about his whole… thing. Tony gave him his own not as white because honestly Tony's health isn’t that bad and improved with stern reminders from his family and partner about taking care of himself. Even Giacomo goes because HYDRA were dicks and they like seeing what can heal and not heal. Better safe than sorry. Tony gets it.</p>
<p>“Whatever you wanna call me, in the realm of professionalism,” Tony replied automatically giving a charming smile. Polaroid of a good elitist.</p>
<p>“A little flirty aren’t you to be a taken man.” Ted threw in with a cocky, gotcha smirk.</p>
<p>Tony got him, and Samantha already checked out of this conversation, “Well, I would call myself taken but my boyfriend has million other nicknames he calls me. You can refer to me only as Mr. Stark.” Tony gave a sharper smile, leaning back showing the evident poise of calm and collection.</p>
<p>Ted gave Tony a once over, which for a man with to much damn gel in his hair making looking like a greaser, the genius clenched his hands together trying to make sure the Extremis stays in check along with keeping more of bigger emotions in check.</p>
<p>Ted with his slicked-back brown hair made Tony bare his teeth just a hint. If Samantha notice and a thin smile appear, maybe this interview won’t be so bad.</p>
<p>“Right, so you have been the most explosive and talked about person in the past two and half years. Maybe the biggest buzz you have presented is dating the Winter Soldier the secret family. What is that all about?”</p>
<p>“You didn’t watch the PA??” Tony did a cute head tilt making his browns big and wide. Making the crowd mumble at how the interviewer didn’t catch that or do his own personal research, “I thought I spoke about the desire for privacy. My partner and preference aside, what is it you want?”</p>
<p>Flustered Ted, Ted is not ready. Tony held back a snigger and the co-host laughed behind her paper. The slicked-back brown hair man kept it all professional, he must have heard how Tony Fucking Stark likes digging into people. Get under their skin and cause them to outburst.</p>
<p>“I must have missed it, others may have missed it as well. I won’t get into it too much or asked. It is just so people know the man helping with the global energy and charities,” Ted leaned over giving a warm and gentleman smile. All plastic, hard plastic. Tony knows that smile, he practices that smile since he was young, “about who he as a family member and as a partner. You were a bachelor for years. So imagine the shock at the lack of openness.”</p>
<p>“I have a type, it takes a lot for me to be into someone in general.” Tony kept the answer simple, “I am a family member. That is about as much as you get to know. If you must know though, Rhodey Bear refers to me as little shit or brat. So I say pretty well in being a sibling.”</p>
<p>Ted chuckled waving a pen at Tony, he does know Tony is a fucking billionaire and high profile. Happy might tackle the fuck out of this man, “Colonel Rhodes isn’t blood,” Tony felt his blood boil, Ted needs to choose his next words carefully, “And how does the Soldier even feel about you using pet names with a man you are “brothers” with.” Ted's finger quoted. What a fucking dickhead. Screw this.</p>
<p>“You really didn’t watch any press conferences or attendances. You stupid prick.” Tony barely heard the crowd gasp and oohs. Ted's eyes wide, “I wish I can wipe the fucking floor with you, you god damn smarmy dick. How many, god damn, motherfucking times I gotta tell you fucking dumbasses, don’t. Touch. My. Family. And my boyfriend, James Buchanan Fucking Barnes, knows. God damn it, he knew the priority I hold my family. SHIT. You didn’t watch shit. Hurry up. I am fucking done with this damn interviewer.”</p>
<p>The silence in the studio was heavy, all but for Pepper giggling and Happy trying to keep the CEO of the multi-billion dollar company from laughing at the more than likely embarrassed as hell interviewer named Ted.</p>
<p>Tony for his own part crossed his arms over his chest forcing the heels to sound off, “Well?” To add to his irritation in physical form, he cocked an eyebrow up mouth twisting into an upset frown.</p>
<p>“Er, right. I was just going to end this off with that I find older women attractive, seeing the recent image of your mother, I have to say she is overly hot—”</p>
<p>Tony saw himself, an out-of-body experience as he grabbed his curtesy cup of water splashing it in Ted’s face. He yanked his wallet raining down the bills he had in there, slid Samantha some money, “Sorry, your co-host is such a fucking pig.” The billionaire ignored the spluttering man, the roars of laughter, and Pepper hurrying after him along with Happy out of the building to the studio.</p>
<p>Forcing his phone out of his pants, he looked at the flood of emojis and humorous text messages from his family and the mentees. Even T’Challa who tend to ignore the United Citizens and their usual shenanigans sent his line of amusing text. The mentees found it most pleasing. Hell, even Loki messaged him saying all deserved. His platypus agreeing quietly, this was his best fucking interview to date.</p>
<p>Tony might agree, he pulled a reality tv show lady move with the glass of water. Of course, extra as he is, he felt a stream of notifications hit him and Pepper telling him, that #ThrowWateronTed was trending and #BadBitchStark was circling. One other saying #ProtectStark’sFamily trending as well. An email about another interview about global charities to donate to and the board saying no more interviews for a minute.</p>
<p>“You think they learn not to interview about stupid shit this time?” Tony asked sweetly to one of his friends grinning at a text from Giacomo.</p>
<p>“I think so. If not, you can do something extra primadonna next time.” Pepper replied finally letting her laughter she held all the way back from the studio.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry... Sassy Tony made an appearance... he wasn't embarrassed he was mortified to rage. :')</p></blockquote></div></div>
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